A recent casual conversation with a friend got me pondering and analyzing. We had been chatting, catching up when she referred to how few people she felt that she could truly be herself around. That struck me. Outwardly, I didn’t really react but internally I felt a bit sad for her.
The comment stuck with me and I began to mentally tick through my list of “friends” and “family” and consider who I could really be myself around. Was my list as abundant as I thought? Was I being naive?
So I really decided to take my time, considering each person in my life who is in my coveted inner circle. I evaluated not so much their behaviors or reactions to me as my ability to feel I could be myself. Truly act as myself. Without concern for judgment.
And actually, the number of those who I have felt comfortable enough to be me in all facets is not so small. For not unlike each of us as human beings I have dualities- positive and negative. I thought surely that would turn people off. Maybe it does but they stick around in spite of me or because of me. I am not so sure which or in combination? Those who have had the courage to witness all of me- Trust me when I say I can be a lot- is impressive.
Or is it? What is a normal amount of people who accept and love you unconditionally, “warts and all”?
Moreover, how many people can I let it all hang out with and not be bothered by their opinion? Is that a testament to their character or my self-growth?
It is important to me to feel that I can be real around people I enjoy spending time with or consider to be a friend. It is important to me to feel authentic and genuine with other human beings. My depth and intimacy may exist on a range dependent upon comfort and trust but rest assured that the cashier at the grocer and my girlfriends are still getting truest me.
Even if we get real down and dirty in the trenches of the day to day nitty gritty, aside from my man and child there are still a number of people who have attended to me in all forms of human. I think what I recognize as of late is that truly we beings are not so different. I must make myself vulnerable enough to allow people to see me so that they in turn will lower their walls. Almost like a show me yours and I’ll show you mine type exchange. I must carry on being me in all my perfect imperfectness so that my daughter observes and learns how to remain open to growth, learning and change. To demonstrate for her that perfection is a farce and a thief of joy. Let it go and just be truly you. That’s where fulfillment exists.
Whatever the reasons or the root I am grateful to feel safe being me in front of the world.
Now I ask you….Who can you be you with?