Shame and Connection

I have been thinking a lot about shame recently. Not just my own. But our collective human shame. And what impact it has on today’s current events. On who we are evolving or devolving into as a people.

How we are all hiding things we feel guilt and shame about. We are all teetering on the edge of a personal meltdown at certain points in our life. Each of us has our own collection of baggage we are not proud of. We all have things we want to forget, stuff away, pretend we didn’t do.

Every single one of us.

We are all so busy hiding and burying and covering it up. Shaping and spackling and painting on this facade of perfection. We keep ourselves protected, hidden away under these layers of fake. Masks to keep us concealed so no one sees us.

But when we conceal those parts of us. When we deny their existence we also deny ourselves vulnerability to connect with other humans on an authentic level.  We exhaust ourselves in the very drama of maintaining pretense. We are further disgusted with our secreted selves and because we burrow those things deep down and away we do not bring them to light for examination and change. We continue the cycle. Alone. That submersion of ourselves in shame and solitude is destructive. It eats away at our souls and then pervades into every aspect of our lives like a super mold. It will coat everything if you allow it.

The quote comes to mind “You’re only as sick as your secrets.”

How can we find the courage to blossom into our full potential when we are so busy suppressing? When we are unwilling to acknowledge its existence?

Personally, I don’t believe that is possible.

So much of my personal adventure has been in the understanding. Bone deep comprehension that I truly am not alone.

I am unique in certain respects, but not really. I am at my core another human. That’s it. Trying to live my best life, openly. I have wounds and triggers. But I also have hope. My hope is directly tied to my willingness to see who all of me is right now and who all of you are. And to try to love us in spite of the “flaws” the “imperfections” or perhaps because of those attributes. And stay rooted in sharing with the world my real me.

I have really enjoyed learning more about shame and connection and vulnerability through the books and teachings of Brene Brown. My learning continues and is an adventure all its own.

What do you think about shame? Is it a societal epidemic?



7 thoughts on “Shame and Connection

  1. I’m in an amazing six week course right now then on the surface is about building confidence, but it starts with deconstructing secrets and shame by putting it out there. I completely agree with you it’s impossible to connect fully when you don’t face what you’ve done and still give yourself unconditional love and realize it doesn’t define you. Another nasty byproduct burying those secrets is that “Weeds” Begin to grow from what is buried. It comes out in mini toxic forms such as bad decisions, behaviors, and actions. I am on a quest to get to the core of my true self and although I cannot bear the responsibility of trying to change others, I can make that change begin with me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well said! Quest is a perfect description of personal growth and discovery!


  2. Again, right on Melissa, shame… wow… a lifetime of shame, regret, remorse. It’s been a several year journey of working and searching to uncover many, many, years of deeply buried shame. I continue on my discovery of me. I agree, Quest is an excellent description. I have read and listened to some of Brene Brown too. Love some of her quotes I keep. “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change”. And “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You can’t have both”.
    I’m on that journey once again. Thank you for your blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At least we are on this road together! Hugs!


  3. I’ve been gripped by guilt and shame for most of my life. That’s why the blog was started. To get it all out in the open, to purge, to cleanse. You’ve written a great, thought provoking piece here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ditto to that. And also to connect. To let others (and myself I guess) know I am not the only one.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I get a lot from your blog. One of my favourites 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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