Prickly

Ever have moments or days or weeks where you feel prickly? Your skin is creepy crawly and you feel a buzz of energy around your body. Like when you get too close to an electrical fence.

I do.

I am the epitome of hyper sensitive.

I am an irritable hangnail on your dominant hand.

A persistently stubborn toothache.

Everything riles me up and pisses me off.

My hairs are literally standing on end.

I am yelling that no one listens to me until I scream like a bat shit crazy lunatic.

I am irate at the sticky fingerprints on the refrigerator door that I have wiped off at least 100 times in the last day.

Nobody touch me. Nobody speak cross to me. Nobody look at me sideways. Nobody breathe too loudly in my presence.

And don’t dare ask “Oh?! That time of the month?”. Unless you have a death wish.

The whole entire world appears as though it is out to cut me down.

Life is trying to swallow me up.

Nothing feels right.

Nothing is right.

My anxiety peaks and my patience plummets.

The universe is topsy turvy.

I get squirrely and surly and salty.

It usually indicates something deeper inside of me going on that I am unaware of or unable or unwilling to deal with. Or it means that I am not giving myself enough self-care. I have over-planned or over-stretched myself or over-reached my personal capabilities.

I am just like a cactus, prickly. Don’t get too close. It’s not safe.

How do I find peace? What calms me? Waxy soft and full like a succulent. Self- awareness *Sigh* The duality of insight into myself. The beauty and power in the clarity of recognizing my own needs. The burden of accepting and fulfilling my own needs. Rather than relying on the dissatisfaction that ultimately accompanies filling the void with other…..*fill in the blank.

Over the years, I have used many “things” and “people” to try to file down my pricklys. I have experienced the haphazard and lackluster results of that strategy. But sometimes it just feels easier and faster to employ a quick fix. Even though I know ultimately that fix is hollow.

I recognize I am not alone with this ramshackle gimmick. I certainly didn’t invent the whole stuff yourself and your surroundings with meaningless toys and gadgets and sugary shit foods and 1000 social media friends approach. The world at large is riddled with people just like me. A bunch of cacti in the desert, unable to get too close to one another, shallow widespread roots. We are all searching to be quenched.

I know what satiates me. My family, my writing, my tribe, exercise, the beach, music.

What quenches your soul my prickly friends?

xxxxxxx

Melissa